In this section I will be talking about the aura formulae in some depth.

The A.U.R.A formulae acronym translates into the following:

A = Active Listening
U = Understanding
R = Response
A = Adaptive Mitigation

What exactly is your problem? What creates repetitive pain for you?  Are you struggling with emotional hurt from childhood? From the raising of children on the spectrum, or living with a debilitating disability? Are you experiencing loss of control or overwhelm? Is your past history haunting you during waking and sleep hours?

My emotional hurt began with being semi raised by a narcissistic mother who basically destroyed any real chance I had of developing into a whole and secure individual. With my narcissist mother I was always in flight or fight mode; I never knew where to turn for comforting. I used to talk to my cat for advice because there was no one I could really divulge to who would actively listen. My grandmother was mostly always there; she was a kind and pragmatic person, but also had her own agendas and her primary loyalty was to my incubator, her cherished daughter.  I don't know how much Letitia (real name Lucia) listened to me or, how much I told her because a lot of my memories have been erased, suppressed, or modified to fit into current reality. I would also speak to my imaginary friend or just to myself in order to work through turmoil or simply escape it.

Do you feel understood – even if only a little bit?  Do people get your unique personality type, what you're passionate about? What switches you on or off?

Whether through words or actions being/feeling understood makes you feel important, loved, included, and safe. On the flip side, when someone demonstrates a lack of understanding towards you,  it can prove very painful and if repeated more than just a few times,  it can damage relationships, make you feel miserable and alone. It may affect your self esteem and question yourself and others about their motives and a possible action against your general wellbeing. You're hit with the feelings that come with a lack of understanding even when level headedness and clarity ascertain it’s not you – but them. You then begin doubting yourself and put blame on yourself when you have done nothing wrong in the first place except to act from a perspective of unique authenticity.  You begin to make excuses about you instead of seeing them as the source of the problem; maybe it's something I said or didn't do or maybe they're just having a bad day the type of damaging internal talk.

My mother did not understand me in the slightest…she didn’t even try! What’s more I know she didn't want to try because she was too self absorbed and preoccupied with her career, her romantic pursuits and possibly – like my ex husband, my son, and my eldest daughter, living on the Autism spectrum. Gilda (Gloria in real life) should never have been a mother because she had no time for me and no appreciation of the fact that I was a good little girl at heart and only needed a little love, affection, and at least some of her time. My maternal grandmother was my only parent growing up. She taught me every practical thing I know and practice today alongside a handful of important existential wisdoms. From time to time she would display limited affection also utilising primarily the love language of service rather than of physicality. Because of my family’s understanding deficit, outside of the house I behaved like a bully as well as possessed few boundaries around my body which then left me vulnerable to the exploits of unscrupulous people  - some who were in my home because yet again, my mother had no idea what true mothering entailed or how to understand a child's needs. In most ways I raised myself.

How often do you dream about an imminent response to your needs?

Do you create fictitious scenarios where all of your dreams come true and your needs are met? Who is the champion who comes to your rescue when you need help most?  Is it your spouse, your child, your parent, your sibling, your closest friend, even your employer? How often is an immediate response to turmoil left completely up to you? In reading a book recently I discovered the term super autonomous self sufficiency. Super autonomous self sufficiency occurs in a person who has been let down often by those he/she relied on most for emotional and pragmatic guidance, namely his/her primary caregivers. Another term for this behaviour is Hyper Independence and recent studies are connecting HI as a response to past trauma or serious neglect growing up. This is most certainly true for me.

Picture if you may the seven year old who has no clean underwear left because it was either unwashed or because this fearful little girl got into the habit of sticking it under her bed due to it being overly soiled. Her mother would beat her if her underpants were in such a state. In 60’s/70’s Italy we didn't have a washing machine so all laundry was done by hand by my grandmother, therefore I’d often I go to school not wearing underwear.

How is this peculiar story with definitive seedy undertones relevant to a section relegated to response you ask?  In serious deficit even a young person must seek a response. Asking mummy to find you some clean underwear to wear to school should elicit an appropriate response, but when mummy is either not home or you are terrified of her response, you respond to your own self as I did. And so on a number of occasions I’d go to school without underwear. I’d then forget I was sans slip and sit in my school smock with legs wide opened as any innocent child might, offering a preview of my private parts to whomever was base enough to stare at them. I learnt super autonomous self sufficiently quickly, and to this day, I am fussy and systematic with tidiness, cleanliness, and order because this was my response to an upbringing of chaos and neglect.

Problem solving; do you know what that is? Do you know how to problem solve?  Has anybody ever taught you to problem solve either through theoretical or anecdotal avenues, or via applied mitigation? Or perhaps through teaching by personal example?  What is your idea of problem solving? How do you unravel trials and tribulations and manage to come out of them virtually unscathed?

Children do the bulk of their learning - and very quickly, between the years of nought to 5 than at any other time in their lives. Academic, educational, and recreational play is mainly taught or mimicked from the parent, the caregiver, teacher, mentor, or peers. As has been extensively documented in certain countries’ orphanages (i.e the Romanian orphanages study of the 80’s and 90’s) children who do not receive significant or prolonged stimuli and parent bonding, experience a shrinking of the brain which can eventually lead to death. Deficits in cognitive development, emotional regulation, and social skills create nothing short of a human shell rather than a fully functional person. Becoming a whole individual with healthy responses significantly reduces the risk of loss from the occurrence of a negative input or event, and coupled with self awareness and insight, an individual can surely be capable of applying what I call adaptive mitigation to most undesirable situations with a high degree of success and satisfaction. Over the last 55 years of my life, I’ve first had to learn who I truly was before I could utilise adaptive mitigation effectively to protect myself, and it has only been in the last three years that I have learned how to apply defined boundaries, refuse external toxicity, know my limitations, and exercise diplomatic conflict resolution.

None of the above were taught to me by my caregivers. 

ANTITHESIS

The Oxford Dictionary meaning of the noun antithesis states; a person or thing that is the direct opposite of someone or something else. “Love is the antithesis of selfishness”.

Above I have described the AURA formulae in deficit using some of my childhood experiences. Now I will describe how the formulae can enrich YOU.

As an advocate for Hope and Healing I have developed the AURA formulae in order to propose a solution or, at least put forward ideas to provide resources for healing emotional pain and create a hope for your future. The payoff from following these formulae is the purging of emotional pain, regain peace of mind, attain contentment, and reach a sense of control over what can be controlled for your Higher Good. Why am I the best person to deliver this message? Because I feel I’ve lived through enough life trials to qualify for advocacy to a large group of people from many paths of existence. Because I feel my sheer survival directs me to helping others survive also. Because I want you to succeed, make your life count, be of service to both you and others.

THE ONLY REASON WE COME TO EARTH IS TO LEARN, LOVE, AND BE OF SERVICE.

CAN YOU FEEL IT? Hope and Healing are coming your way.

How ACTIVE LISTENING works:

Active Listening is considered a soft skill in the world and dynamics of overall communication. Active Listening will help you build and maintain relationships, problem solve, retain poignant information, understand and accept procedures and processes, and define expectations. Active Listening to others without allowing your mind to wonder elsewhere, interrupt their stream of delivery, or prepare an answer before someone has finished what they are trying to explain to you is a non verbal technique that demonstrates that your attention is wholly and solely on the speaker. This not only supports your ability to focus but it ensures the speaker you are focussed on them too, it is none other than a true gift to them; the speaker is being heard!

BUT is a very powerful word when practicing Active Listening because if it’s said out of context it basically says to the speaker, forget all you’ve just said to me because I’m going to tell you what ‘I’ think. If a person is divulging their heart out to you do not interrupt! Your spin on things can shut them down and take away their trust from you. Remember when that important person interrupted you with their presumptuous view?